Postpartum Depression and How I dealt with it
Hello My Fellow Mombies,
Depression is a very touchy subject. It is not a joke. It is something that you cannot see at times or you cannot hear. Depression can sometimes be so silent, so quite and so deadly that someone could be suffering right in front of you and you wouldn’t even notice.
Take it from someone who may look like she has everything but all the chatter that goes on in her head is what drives her insane. I think I have always suffered from depression as a kid and never really shined a light on the issue.
I don’t think I was even sure of what I was feeling myself. Honestly, I thought I truly was the happiest person in the world. Except for those random days where I wouldn’t eat, I wouldn’t talk, I would just sleep all day and figure “Well, this will pass”. GUESS WHAT? It would pass and then it would come back twice as hard.
I am now 23 years old with a beautiful one year old and my depression is stronger than ever. You would think after having a child, a child that you were told would basically be impossible to have would make you the happiest person in the world. Having my one year old trigged my depression even more. I suffer from postpartum depression and anxiety that is now maintenance with medication. The chatter is quite now. Now I can spend time alone in a room and not go insane. The one thing, as a mother that you want to be is strong. You want to portray this image to your child that you have everything under control. You want assure your child that everything is going to be ok and that you will protect him/her for the rest of your life. You are not a bad mother, but making sure that your healthy mentally and physically is whats best for your child in the end.
I am not telling you this part of my life looking for someone to feel sorry for me. I am writing this to you because I don’t want any of the mothers who cant explain how they are feeling to feel alone. I wouldn’t want anyone for that matter to feel this loneliness. There were times where I would think about hurting myself. There times where I didn’t want to feel this sadness hang over me anymore. I am a full-time mom, I go to the gym everyday, I bought a house, I have a fiancé, I have a full-time career, I have a part time job on the weekends, I attend school and I do photography on the side. I am super overwhelmed and it feels like I carry 1000 pounds on my shoulders everyday.
I have a huge family and loving friends who are practically family but I didn’t want to reach out to any of them. I feared being judged. I feared not being taken seriously. I didn’t want to hear any opinions from anyone. I knew I was getting worse, because my thoughts would change. So I spoke to my doctor and she truly has been so supportive and cares so much that if it was not for here I don’t know where I would be. She gave me the right medication, she checked up on my progress, she made sure I met with my psychologist and I cant thank her enough. So I understand that talking to someone who is close to you can be scary. If it is talk to someone who doesn’t know you and I promise it will be much easier for you to express your feelings and thoughts.
I spent more time doing things around the house to keep my mind occupied. Unfortunately, I am taking a break from school but that is so I can focus on the other aspects in my life. I came to the conclusion that no matter how hard I try to focus and keep up with the work, I am truly drained and exhausted from just being exhausted. I started writing again and that makes me happy. I have so much to share with you all that I hope I can help you in any way, shape or form. My fiancé has been my biggest supporter since the age of 16. He “pushes” me, no matter how hard I push him back he continues to “Push” me. I love him so much for that. Find someone who wants to push you enough to help you reach your highest potential.
Feeling by yourself in a room full of people can be dangerous for your mental health. I want to be the one to tell you that there is help out there. Don’t let your depression consume you, don’t let the diagnosis consume you. Seek help because there are people who truly care about us. Look for a friend, look for a co worker, brother, sister, mom, dad, or doctor. It does not matter who you look for just express to someone how you are feeling because you will continue to feel this way and bottling it up will only cause you damage in the end. & of course you can always talk to me.
Listed below are a few links and phones numbers to
- https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org Phone# 1-800-273-8255
- https://www.ppdil.org/symptoms-of-ppmds/ Phone# 1-847 205-4455
On that note,
Have beautiful Mombie day 🙂